August 8, 2009

To forget is a boon...

Karkidakam, one of the Malayalam months (I don't know to explain that) is often considered inauspicious, time for ailments...making it the right time for ayurveda treatments, a month of massive rains (the monsoon misplaced its calendar this year I guess)..and generally a month of misery. Well I was born in karkidakam. Does that make me a miserable being?!? it's a month of everything uneventful and depressing, it is said.
This year forces me to believe it. In less than a month we've been seeing sudden losses of heavily talented and equally humane people. Lohithadas, Rajan P Dev, Murali. It's not their movie star status that makes me mourn their loss. It's not even about the individual's about the sense of vaccuum that each one leaves it in art, culture, film, theatre or more importantly their homes.
How does one cope with the fact that you're family is one member less, one member who will be missed every moment, at every meal, during every conversation... Or will they? I am always amazed at how life falls back on track after a few days, or in some cases few weeks. Not longer than that. It pricks me somewhere to think that my absence would be forgotten or rather "accepted" so soon by near and dear ones.
Is 30 too early an age to worry about these things? Not if you believe in the uncertainty of life. Motherhood, in some way, has made me more sentimental (a word I detested until sometime ago), more emotional and more scared.