August 8, 2009

To forget is a boon...

Karkidakam, one of the Malayalam months (I don't know to explain that) is often considered inauspicious, time for ailments...making it the right time for ayurveda treatments, a month of massive rains (the monsoon misplaced its calendar this year I guess)..and generally a month of misery. Well I was born in karkidakam. Does that make me a miserable being?!? it's a month of everything uneventful and depressing, it is said.
This year forces me to believe it. In less than a month we've been seeing sudden losses of heavily talented and equally humane people. Lohithadas, Rajan P Dev, Murali. It's not their movie star status that makes me mourn their loss. It's not even about the individual's about the sense of vaccuum that each one leaves it in art, culture, film, theatre or more importantly their homes.
How does one cope with the fact that you're family is one member less, one member who will be missed every moment, at every meal, during every conversation... Or will they? I am always amazed at how life falls back on track after a few days, or in some cases few weeks. Not longer than that. It pricks me somewhere to think that my absence would be forgotten or rather "accepted" so soon by near and dear ones.
Is 30 too early an age to worry about these things? Not if you believe in the uncertainty of life. Motherhood, in some way, has made me more sentimental (a word I detested until sometime ago), more emotional and more scared.


KERALA CONGRESS ( Jacob) said...
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hmm...I've believed for some part of my last 30 years that Earth was created for me to live in. Everything else around me is for my entertainment & food(a livin Truman show). And after me? that an option? If at all, it wud be deluge(I can swim, so I propose death by meteor or Aliens shootin me down with windpipes)

But towards the start of ninties, I had begun to suspect my own theory and it gained strength over the decade. To cut somepoint every human, in his own customized way, begins to realise that he is a fuc3in nobody in the bigger scheme of things....absolutely replaceable. Life is like a football team.. you dun play with the same players everytime.some retire...some ones come in and one day u r gone too. And the team will be better off without you. Nobody misses anybody. Earth lives in the present, it dont mourn teh dead losers.

But I aint tired of living. O boy... what do I do. I wish it was a 100 years and then you can rewind the clock and start all over. May be it happens that way.. but u dun get to turn the key. because u r just a stupid "creation".

that makes me think abt Essence & existence . So,whats comon between them? they both start & end with an

Why didnt we talk abt all this crap when we walked thru that museum road a decade ago. simple, we werent 30s then. We still had lot to discover. and we did. you got passed the kid chapter too. Im yet to do that. But we both have "settled". settled into a course....accept reality...just cruise....sail endlessly... worry and keep worrying and DIE :D end of story. excuse mee....BEEEEEER!!

Sree said...

Very few people you meet in your journey of life are worth shedding tears for or worth being placed in a corner of my memory box. It often stuns me as to how some who find place there are people I've seen less than 5 times, or sometimes never really seen, but known.