Maid to order

I have just begun to realise how important it is to have a good "help" at home....and I have also realised that the perfect "help" is just a dream. When it was just the 2 of us, nothing mattered... Our weekly breakfast menu read: Maggi, Bread toast, dosa (wt the readymade batter available at shops).... Lunch meant rice, curd, pickles and maybe a sambar...and dinner was chapathi and one of my veg experiments. 

Now with Ayush around...everything has changed. He needs his hourly dose of feed which people insist should comprise variety and nutrition. The home has a lanudry bag meets playschool look with ashu's toys strewn all over and his clothes n accessories stacked all around. Amidst all this a baby who hates to sleep... Little wonder that I am so dependant on the "help". The one I had declared she was leaving, giving me just a day to digest the news. This is one job that demands no notice period, no formal procedures. 

The above paragraphs were written over a month ago. Never found the time or convenience to get back.. was busy training the new maid and coping with Ayush's latest achievements. I have managed to find a 'help' who is pleasant, good with kids, polite in her manners.... too good to be true ha. But she needs constant reminders when it comes to her daily chores like cooking n cleaning...but am not complaining.. Am comfortable and I've even begun to like her (a rarity usually). Fingers crossed that it's gonna be a long-lasting relationship. 

A joy forever

Expecting a baby....? Does the gender really matter. Not at all, most people would say. But deep down it surely does, for most of us. Most expectant parents (especially first timers) have a desire within hesitate to accept it. I am mother of a 6-month-old son. Many in my family (me too) secretly wished for a girl. And I must admit, for the first month or so the feeling did bug me. My reason was simple: girls have a wide choice of dresses and accessories. But suprisingly and very gladly, one fine day I woke up to adore my son with all my heart. The 'oh why not a girl' bug disappeared. How, I don't know. But am glad it did and now 5 months later, I can't stop feeling awful for ever having wished for more....

Sadly, some people insist on being stuck in the gender game. I still have people (friends and family) who try to warn or scare me about how terrible life is with a boy child. They, sometimes, make comments without a thought if it would upset us. 

For all those who do have a certain desire deep down, let me tell you: one look at their twinkling eyes and that wide-mouthed toothless smile, all you'll see is a 'bundle of joy', irrespective of whether it's a girl or boy.  To all the lil angels.....mmuuaaahhhh!!!! 

Love you little angel

When I am ill, God save anyone who tries to strike a conversation with me. I can be an absolute demon. Now, when my lil one's unwell (he's down with viral fever), I feel guilty. Why....I don't know. Maybe I didnt take care of him well enough, or maybe I got irritated with his cry when he was actually just trying to tell me he's ill.... I started questioning my abilities as a mother. 

We had a party last night...more like a friends' ganging-up excuse at my present neighbour's new apartment (a lovely breezy place by the water). I was all geared up to take Ayush along coz half his day is spend with this neighbour. So much so that I think Ayush still doesn't know which is his own place, and which is the next-door flat! But fever struck and I was forced to leave him at home. Here again I didnt give up my plan of partying....another guilt prick. 

I left him with my parents....and while he clung on to my mom, with his droopy eyes n burning forehead...I said a quick g'bye and left to swing to the music. Soon I realised it's hard to disconnect my mind totally from Ayush. A few dances and plates-ful of snacks later, I decided I better leave. It was a strange relief I had when I got back home and found him sleeping peacefully holding my dad's wrist tightly. There was no regret at having left early. The only worry was that another friend, with whom we had gone, left early to drop us back. We would have managed but.....

I always worried that Ayush would change our lives drastically...I would lose out on 'me-time' and also 'our-time' with hubby and the 'together-time' with friends. In reality, it's me who's cutting down on all these luxuries and clinging onto my baby. 

Love you baby....and get back to your twinkling self soon hon. 

Minding my mind

How does one tame one's mind? Is there come class or course or consultant who teaches you when to react and how, when to shut up and just smile and generally when to "behave". Not that I particularly care about what people think about me (something that had my mom worry since my school days), but at times it helps. 

I've never been the best of behaved... always criticised for keeping friends over family, constantly reminded of my 'everready-to-lose-temper', always given classes on how to keep a pleasant face when you're in the most uncomfortable of situations (read visits to random relatives' places, bugging questions from people etc...) and so it goes. 

Am done with school, college, turned to working lady, entered wedded life and now mommyhood and am still being taught. Which means, in 30 years I still haven't learnt how to live the way "other's want you to". A tough lesson to learn but I better get at least the basics right if I want a smiley shining on me.

Marry me, am jobless

That's exactly how matrimonials of girls should read, even in this time and age. Recently, Kavya, one of the popular actors of Malayalam films got married. The papers and TV channels covered everything from her wedding trousseau, to her hair and make-up, to sari, to jewellery and what not... As expected it was celebrated by the media (even The Hindu, suprisingly!). 

A week later I happened to read an interview of the newly weds, given on the day of their 3rd and final reception. When asked if she would continue in films, our big-eyed lady says "I can never completely detach myself from films.....". Soon her hubby dearest (who claims to have acted in a few films, and is otherwise working in the Gulf), reacts: "A wife has certain responsibilities towards her family [wonder what the hubby's role is]. To fulfill these duties, she would have to stay away from films..." and so he went on. Wonder if he would have said the same if she was an engineer or doctor.

It's disgusting to see people have no faith in their own life partners. And it's a shame these girls agree to spend their lives with such men. While the art of painting is appreictaed and the artist lauded, the art of film-making or acting is condemned (and strangely only when the artiste is a woman). Have you heard of any male actors who have quit films after marriage.... Grow up people!

Sorry, it's 11

Hmmm...I thought my days of deadlines and rules were over. Not yet, it seems. Am married and a mother now but the Big Brother (rather in this case, the Big Aunt/Unc) continues the watch. We live in an appartment and the decision-makers (read jobless, retired, senior citizens) here have come out with their latest 'dos and donts' manual. 

And the holy rule book says: We, the grown up residents of this building have to seek permission and sign registers if we leave from or return to the building after 11. The building has two faulty lifts, one's always non-functional and the other keeps getting stuck; and the place has no water (we wait with buckets at the bathroom taps). But the so-called responsible heads don't have the time or interest in resolving these issues. The more important concern is when the residents (particularly few people who have found permanent place in their black book) step out, with whom they step out and for what!!!

Next in line will be a dress code within the building premises. Don't be suprised if any of you, my friends, are put through a Q&A round and then stamped "Safe" before being let in. Talk about democracy and freedom.

Where's the postman?

The web world is said to make things easier.. Look here, instead of maintaining a diary, buying new ones as each fill and getting pens to pen down your thoughts....now I just have to open my blog n pour out my heart, mind and soul. But try uploading pics and I often end up with the 'page loading error' message. In any case I still cherish 'real' albums to online ones. Every time my mom wants to see Ayush's snap (my 6-month-kiddo) , I need to log into the computer...which is quite irritating. Ah back to photo upload. With all attempts of sleeping having failed, I decided to while away time surfing the Internet. And also decided to update my son's snaps..... But all efforts were met with messages like "install missing plugin", "page loading error" and things I couldn't understand. A few attempts and I gave up. I'd rather take copies and post them (I mean the postman post) to family and friends. Sometimes it's best to return to old practices. Talking of which, how many of you know your postman by name or face? There was a time when postmen were part of friends' circle...they did a small chit-chat while dropping the letter. We were excited to see him too, coz we knew he's brought us messages from friends, family or that someone special. But today his messages are mostly bank statements, exhibition invites, LIC policy reminders, etc...

Sleep...a distant dream

Sleep and I share quite a love-hate relationship. During the day when I hate to sleep, i often feel sleepy. And at night, when I long to sleep, it ignores me. It's almost 1 a.m. and here I am chatting with myself in the blog. It's not b'coz I have promised myself to be regular with my blogging, it's only b'coz I just CANNOT sleep. And when I finally do managed to catch a bit of sleep, Ayush decides he has had his share of sleep. Oh I am missing out on the many dreams I enjoyed while I slept. And I hate to see my husband slide into sleep within minutes of hitting the bed. The lucky few... while I do everything from dish washing to room cleaning to reading to blogging to feel sleepy.. Yaawwwnnnn...where are you?

Mom's the word and the world

Inspired, yes.... but committed to it, not sure. With some of friends reviving their blogs and some starting new ones, here I am, trying to join in. But for how long and how frequently...only Ayush knows. Ayush, by the way, is my 6-month-old son who thinks sleeping during the day is a sin and being calm and peaceful is a shame to his manhood! Motherhood seems to be the flavour of the season. I have at least 5 friends who have stepped into mommy-world in the past 6-7 months. 2008 sure was a fertile year. Now our conversations revolve around nappy changing, food habits, sleep routines (or lack of it) and of course the 'colic time'. But just admit I am quite impressed with myself....I am quite a good mom so far. There was this friend of mine who told me: "Sree, just go ahead wt baby making, trust me it isn't that bad and it doesn't change your life at all." Wonder what she was talking about. I can barely remember how life was before Ayush came along. Well, my routine now is set.... feed, burp, change nappy, play, bathe him, feed, change nappy, burp, clean the pee, poop and puke..., try to put him to sleep, fail, return to play mode, finally knock on neighbours' door and hand ayush over.....and then again the routine goes on...... I do lose my cool at times, but guilt soon takes over. One toothless smile from that naughty face and I know he's a love I can't give up. Love you babydoll.... And I've begun to be more considerate and loving towards my mom too. You don't really know it, till you get there. o that I am here, I respect, love and adore her for tolerating my tantrums and loving me so deeply. Love you amma....though I've never told you that enough.