My July Moments...

I am partial to some dates, some days and some months. Today I pick the month--July, August, November, December feature on my favourite months list. Why? I really can't explain. My birthday falls in JULY, I got married in NOVEMBER, my parents have their wedding anniversary in AUGUST..are these good enough reasons or do they make me a self-obsessed woman! AUGUST--I so like the sound of it, a feel or pride, a touch of sophistication, a royal ring to it. Now does that make me a pseudo-socialite who loves to flaunt, feature and bitch!
DECEMBER--Blame it on Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and the snow. Christmas, for me, is always what books have made it to be: snowing times, christmas trees dressed in bells and stars, Uncle Santa who comes with his goody bag, pretty cakes, delicious feast, carols and a lot of happiness and merry making. Confession: None of my Christmas memories are even remotely close to this fairy-tale white Christmas.
A lot of my favouritism, I think, can be blamed on my 'love for the rains'. July, August, November are all rainy days. Cloudy mornings, grey evenings that come alive with sparks of lightning and thuds of thunder. Not the best of things if you have a new born at home, who's out to win the 'Who pees the most' contest!?! Laundry is a horror during these times, shopping isn't exactly all-fun either, and the traffic barely moves...but everything else is oh-so-gorgeous. The plants look greener than ever, are topped with droplets of rainwater, the air smells fresher and happier, the roads look cleaner, the dogs, cats, birds all are at their laziest (the pigeons find shelter on our window sill, which my little one so loves, while the cats and dogs curl up in the car porch or under the sofas or some other cosy corner).

The rains have swept me away from the shores of my thoughts. This blog wasn’t meant to be about my picks from the 12. It has been a long break from blogging (excepting the one tiny make-my-presence-felt blog). This one was to be about the month of July, its happenings and what kept me too busy to blog. July--being the month that welcomed me into this world--definitely makes me Smile. Lately though, the smile has become a bit low-voltage coz it also meant that I was now entering the 30s-club. That year has passed and now am happily 31 and enjoying it.

Now when I try to recount the just-passed July, I am a little blank. I am certain there were a few exciting things.
Had a wedding (where people were more obsessed about my weight gain than the wedding itself)--Not Exciting.
Finally finished my driving classes--Exciting. But sold our car--Not Exciting.
Missed a family function--Not Exciting. Instead did a weekend Mumbai trip, a fun time with friends, lots of kids, cakes, booze and some airport drama--Very Very Exciting.
Birthday morning! Woke up to mom's birthday wish (love you, amma) followed by lovely lovely friends who called/messaged/Facebook-ed birthday wishes--Wonderfully Exciting. Partner forgot my birthday--Not Exciting. First birthday where I got no gifts or surprises--Awfully Non-Exciting (and am still crying over it).My loving dad took me out for dinner, the only special part of the day. Nothing too fancy but good food and a play area for the little one--Exciting End.

Cousins came over. Had a Tequila night--Very Exciting.
Dinner at neighbour's place. Awesome food, good drinks, delicious biriyani and some fun times--Enjoyably Exciting.


This is all I can recall for now. 31 days and according to my statistics more Exciting than Non-Exciting moments. Good!
Oh, No! How could I forget that special Saturday. TATTOO Saturday. Finally, after a wait for almost 10 years, I find the courage and opportunity to live my desire. Now I have a pretty black butterfly (with shades of red) sitting pretty on my left arm. I am kicked about it, my mom found it cool (though she wished it had more colours), dad smiled at it, partner acted like he didn't notice it, and my son loves it... he's just a little scared to touch it coz he thinks its gonna fly away like the many butterflies he's seen so far!
This has got to be the defining moment of July 2010. My Tattoo--my birthday gift to myself.
 

Too much of too many things

I am missing my blog. The times when something would go tring tring in my mind or there'd be something stupid nagging my mind or somebody pisses me off big time and leaves me fuming...., or just those moments when I find myself drawn towards my blog and before I know it, I am either penning down memories, or sharing fun moments, crying over a dear one or just letting out my steam. It's not that my life is calmer now and nothing is nagging my mind.
In fact there has been too much randomness, too much madness, too many temper tantrums, too many surprises (rude ones too) and a whole lot of S*#T. I'll be back once the madness settles down.

Miss you & Thank you time...

In the past couple of days I have opened the blog and stared at the 'New post' page many many times. Sometimes wondering if I should write, at times wondering what I should write, sometimes just happy that this marks by 100th post, sometimes just checking out the font/picture options here. This doesn't happen too often because I no longer blog as a compulsion. I remember the first couple of attempts at blogging when it was more a compulsion to make at least one entry a day, an effort at proving (to God knows whom) that I am a regular blogger. Well that was not to be and the excitement died down rather soon. This time, however, it was different. There was no forced effort. It just happened. Thoughts crept into my mind, frustrations were brewing in there, excitement was waiting to spill out, anger popped its head and at times laughter took charge. My mind and heart was busy cooking a cocktail of emotions and I just had to share it with someone. I love expressing my expressions.
Giving it a little deeper thought I realise, it's loneliness and silence that cemented the bonding with my blog. I can't remember a phase in my life when I've been surrounded by none else than myself. In the past one year I have been my biggest companion. I have had my biggest debates with myself, had the most bitter arguments with my mind, laughed loudest at myself, shared jokes with me, cried like a child with my heart, flirted with myself, shared my secret fantasies and attractions and so much. I am so full of ME.
Living in an apartment rarely allowed me to be myself. I was lucky to find some absolutely crazy, warm, fun-loving and lovable friends. We took community living to such heights.... Every home was just an extension of each other's houses. We'd walk in and walk out of bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens of any house at any time. Our partners often found their bedroom taken over by the lady-next-door while his wife was busy cooking snacks for the kids-next-door. It was the maddest and best-est days for me. And then one by one, the friends moved on. They bought their own homes--pretty, cosy and beautifully done--and moved in to their own space. Of course I was thrilled for them, love their homes, but I miss them all. There is this feeling of sudden loneliness. My days now begin and end the same way, every day. Partner goes to office, little one either goes to school or plays around for a while, eats, sleeps...and am left with myself following the same routine.
I miss the laughter, the chatter, the loud laughs, the coffee/lime juice that aunty sweetly bought us while we chatted away sharing gossip, jokes, dirty talking. My little one too misses his first friends and his favourite aunts who pampered him, played with him, gifted him lovely things and took care of him whenever I needed help. I miss the yummy dishes that my next-door-aunt brought in almost regularly knowing my love for anything non-vegetarian.
People can leave such a lasting impression on you. I still visit them all whenever I can, speak to them often, but it's not the same as seeing them, spending the day with them and sharing the moments and laughter with them. It's this loneliness and this unwelcome silence that's brought me closer to my blog. Thanks for being there when I need a patient ear, a warm hug, a punching bag, a shoulder to cry on. Thanks to you my blog for taking my emotional outbursts, rude comments, bad temper, crazy fantasies, heart breaks, sob stories, giggles, loud laughters...thanks for tolerating me and allowing me to speak my heart, mind and soul through you.

I miss the maddening crowd. I miss the girly giggles. I am glad I have my 'cuppacoffee' to keep me going.

Barbies Vs Basketball

The Man Vs Woman debate on who is the superior gender has been on for years. We have now reached the 'They are equal' conclusion. Talk on empowering women, educating the girl child, fight against female foeticide, dowry deaths, honour killings, career women and a whole lot of things favouring women/girls are constantly being discussed and debated. I vote for it. I agree women rock! Women are awesome. They are wonderful at multitasking, balancing work-home, and they don't shy from speaking their mind, reacting, rebelling and choosing their path and walking it too.

I am not discussing serious issues of gender equality or women's reservation and its significance or any such thing. My reason for this blog is very simple. It's about babies. I don't think this needs a disclaimer suggesting these words are purely my personal opinion, because my blog is obviously my mind and my thoughts. I am mother to a little boy and I absolutely love him and adore him. In the past 21 months (since I first held the little one) I have so often been told my many--friends, family, acquaintances, near strangers--on how I should go for one more baby, and it comes with an add-on that says, "Don't worry, next time it will definitely be a girl." WHAAAT. When did I ever give them the impression that am brooding over having had a son.
Let me be honest here and admit that I did desire a girl, but like any anxious first-time mommy my secret prayers always wished for a healthy, happy baby. I am blessed with just that. Touch wood! I remember the moment when the doctor took the little life from within me and told me 'It's a boy'....I did feel a prick of disappointment. It lasted a few days (the time I took to turn mother in mind, sould and heart). And then the feeling vanished just the way it came: sudden and unexpected. Since then, not once have I been haunted by that worry. I love my boy and he brings the brightest smile on my face.
This is no boy child vs girl child debate. This is just my response to the many many concerned and loving people out there who keep comforting me saying it's never too late...you can still try for a girl. When you've just had a baby [boy], why bless them saying: 'Congrats and hope you soon have a little girl too'. What's the fuss about.

Yes kidswear brands are partial to little girls--the super cute dresses they bring out for the little dolls. For boys, it's mostly the shorts and t-shirts, with some brands being nice enough to add a little twist to the designs. Yes, girls can be dressed, accessorised...the polka dots, the floral prints, cute bags, pretty hair bands, tiny colourful shoes, ear rings, bangles and what not! For boys, its often just a cap or belt.
Yes girls sound far cuter when they talk, they ask the cutest questions in their sweetest voices and have you cracking up in laughter, while the boys are busy kicking the football or riding their cycle or breaking things. Just one little observation [by me] goes in favour of the little boys--they seem less fussier/crankier than girls.

When it comes to hugs, kisses, loving and making you feel wanted....the boys are just as cute and just as innocent. They hug you for no reason, kiss you to soothe your anger and just makes you feel so special. To all you moms out there who feel you're family's incomplete without a little doll or who feel you've been denied the joy & love of a little girl or who feel boys means trouble and torture....this one's for you.

Playing football with my little macho is just as much fun as dressing up Barbie. Hearing him cheer for a goal or go clap clap for a sixer is just as exciting as watching a little girl do up her doll house. Watching my little boy dance and sing to his own steps and tunes is my ultimate entertainment, and I feel so special when he drags me to join in the dance. Kids are adorable, they are addictive, they are amazing: be it boy or girl. Love them and they'll love you just as much or even more.

This is my little brat....and I soooo love him. Muahhh my munchkin!

Girls, I miss you

This post is dedicated to two dear friends who shall be referred to as N and T in the blog. N is now in Bangalore married to her childhood sweetheart and mother to an adorable little girl. T is now in the US, married to a handsome man and mommy to two darling children--a boy and a little princess. Why pick them from among my huge friends group. Are they dearer to me than the many others, or have I known them longer than others, or have they been my shoulder-to-cry-on. It's nothing too emotional, actually. Some things, some pictures, some conversations, some reads take you back in time (Yes I haven't fully recovered from the Past-Forward syndrome) to old schools, old faces, old friends, old memories. Memories: some are faded and slightly forgotten, some others are fresh and forever.
N and T are part of my fresh & forever memories. Friends from school--we have been together a long long time-- we have shared some hilarious, heartening, heartbreaking and crazy times together. The group had more members, some with whom am still in touch, some others who have disappeared. We have done the crazy, the weird, the unthinkables...have been other's support, strength, agony aunt, punching bag...wept together over lost loves, laughed & celebrated birthdays, loves and many special moments.
Fifteen years later we still cherish the friendship, though we don't get time to catch up as often as we'd like to. I can't remember the last time three of us got together. I haven't even seen some of the kids. But we know we still care, we still enjoy the company, we still love to hear from each other, we long to see pictures of each other's family, our faces break into a smile when we find one another online, we would love to meet up and relive some of the mad fun of past years.

The birthday treats, the shopping sessions, the movie outings, the school days, the college times, the scooter rides, the stay-overs, the secret adventures, the secret crushes we shared...and so much more. Cheers to our friendship! I love the times and I soooo miss you girls.

PS: Dear N & T... you know who you are, right!