Around (&about) my life of 60 days

Firstly thanks to my friend, once-neighbour, now business-partner and alltime-anytime girlfriend Sumi for leading me back to my blog. One sleepless night got her back to blogging, and one tweet about that found my cursor clicking its way to my virtual mind. There is never a pattern to my blog (feel free to disagree): sometimes I treat my blog as a punching bag, at times an agony aunt, or just my online diary and at other times it's a dreamland--a space where I share my desires, aspirations, loves. Must confess that there have been times when I have forced a blog, written just to keep the promise of regular blogging.

Though i do give myself the concession of being a convenience blogger, someone who blogs at her own will, at her own pace and her own level of regularity, this time I am a little shocked with myself (actually disappointed) for taking such a long break. Simply because quite a bit happened during this 60-odd days.

For my own sake, am going to try to recollect and put down at least some of the interesting or important things that I went through in the past 2 months:

1. I found my time, talent and timepass: Can't quite elaborate on that one, except that I was back to work. It felt great, it made me feel 'worth it', had me excited every morning and exhausted by evening, saw new faces, had new conversations, read new things and felt fresh in the mind and heart.
2. Caught up with some very unexpected people on facebook, and it feels awesome. Sharing secrets of school days, laughing over the silly games and giggling about the crushes. Distance and two decades later, it all seems sweeter, funnier, crazier.
3. Gave up on my 'attempts to diet', instead decided to be happier with myself and occasional resort to healthy eating!
4. The turning point: my friend and boss puts me the proposal of joining the firm as partner. Share the responsibilities, the challenges, the madness, the success and the fun. A few days later I knew what I wanted, and today am partner to DropCap Media. It's not the position that thrills me, the fact that we are two like-minded people, believing in the power of words and the magic of technology and striving to give the best combination of this to people. This process excites me.
5. Completed five years of my marriage. Being someone who never had much belief or faith in the necessity of 'marriage', this sure is an achievement.
6. Found a new friend. Mmmm here am a little stuck. Not sure where and how to categorise this person. We rarely meet (almost never), we never call each other, our conversations are limited to messages (on FB or phone), we never discuss personal life but talk about everything else under the Sky--from a killer wine-cheese combo to the dirty games in the corporate world to new releases, music, travel to man/woman debates to love, commitment and animals...and a lot more. It's an interesting friendship, and the best thing it's a non-judgmental friendship (whatever you figure out from that).

7. Had a few bitter, nasty arguments with people who stand very close to my life. But am glad they happened 'coz it ripped off the mask and showed the real picture: what some people really are, how their mind really never manage to run of the narrow corridor it's stuck in (though they pretend otherwise), how some men mistake male to mean 'superior, the ultimate and the decider'. It's left me doubly strong-willed about my decisions, choices and inspires me to 'damn the senseless souls and move ahead'.
8. The flat-shopping we've been working on for almost three years now has finally come to an end. No we didn't find a flat that suited our desires and budget....So we just decided to stop the search. For one, our budget doesn't quite match up to the demands, and also we didn't quite spot any that made us want to own it right there.
9. My little boy is really now the little BIG boy. Yes, he's grown taller and is doing bigger tricks...but what amazes me most is his vocabulary. Not sure if am overreacting and being over-enthusiastic (it's my first time as mother so am entitled to a bit of hyperism) about his 'new words' and 'new skills'. He talks non-stop in a 'nothing-could-be-cuter' tone and rhythm. He takes a piece of my heart when he leaves to school every morning, blowing out kisses to me and screaming out a 'Amma, hab a good day' (translated: Have a good day).
10. I find myself crying lesser, laughing more these days. Before I give you the impression that my life was one big tragedy and I was living a torture, let me tell you it doesn't take much to make me cry. At the risk of losing a very dear friend who would be horrified at me for saying this, I can cry watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hain! Anything that isn't happy could have me in tears. And this has stopped now. Am glad about it. The laughter moments are thanks to my new office, colleagues and back home my little munchkin.

It wasn't a forced attempt to touch ten, but now that I've hit ten, let me stop at that. These are a few things that made my days special in the past two months. I have just noticed another half-baked blog in my draft, hope to finish that too soon.

PS: About the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, a friend recently told me that her husband cries at some of the scenes, too.

B'coz mom says so...

Should I feel guilty about this long silence? My last post was more than a month ago. It's no sin, especially since I had vowed that I wouldn't be blogging just to keep up the 'a-post-a-day' promise. Will write only when I feel like it. Read a few interesting posts in the past few days, and maybe somewhere it inspired me to write. This may not exactly have a theme or a topic, just some thoughts.

Today, as a mother, I often surprise myself with my words and actions. Many things that I tell my little boy make me pause and think: "hey haven't I heard that somewhere before!". Soon, I realise that it's just what my mom had told me during my younger days. I swear it's not intentional, but some things are so etched in our minds that we end up repeating it, without quite realising it.I can clearly remember how terrified my mom was whenever she saw kids being fed while they're lying down. I sense the same fear in my mind when I see kids do it. Amma never fancied little boys wearing shirts or cute little girls paraded in salwar kurtis. She always found t-shirts cuter, and always liked girls to be dressed in tiny frocks and skirts. I feel just the same. I shrug at the many shirts gifted to my son: some (like a friend aptly described) are so stiff that it can stand on it own, some that come with pokey pokey glitters all over that will promptly cling on to your face or hands the minute you try it on. I have so many memories of my mother screaming and making a huge fuss when she saw me or any other kid play with tiny things (tiny here is defined as anything that could possible be downed their throats with a little effort from the kids). I always thought she was over-reacting and being overly fussy. She still freaks out when my little boy plays with broken pieces of toys, or paper or worse rubber bands or balloon bits. But I no longer frown at her, not after my son almost swallowed a magnet! (Let's not get into that....whew!).

It's not just kids' matters...their preferences in a lot of other things too have impacted me. My father disliked the colour 'yellow' (for reasons best known to him) and my mom had a strong dislike for navy blue.Until recently my wardrobe had no traces of yellow or navy blue. Must confess that yellow has now found place in my 'favourite colours' list: vibrant, bright, sunny, floral, fruity...so many emotions and moods that I associate with yellow. Navy blue, though, hasn't yet charmed me.
Once I started cooking, I once againd found my decisions being influenced a lot by my mother's methods and habits. It may seem funny but I insist on using the Prestige pressure cooker. I have nothing against Hawkins or any other brand, but my mom's used Prestige for as long as I can remember and it in some way makes me more confident about my cooking! (well...you may see no logic in it). Of course, I have fallen for the tempting looks of the Futura brand and own one too...but in the past five years have never once used it. Am not sure it's something to be proud of, it's only my superstition that 'my cooking tastes best when done mom's way'.
The way I stir food, the way I make my dough, roll it, the way I clean or chop certain vegetables, the pattern I follow in adding ingredients...have all been influenced my mother's methods.

 Funny, but whenever I look at the number plate of a vehicle, I automatically find myself adding up the numbers. Blame it on my mom for I've seen her doing it for years! It could be an autorickshaw or a BMW; we sometimes play a game of it too. The way I (try to) sing certain songs have been influenced by mom. [While dad's humming has helped us learn how not to sing a song!]. My tastes in music, movies, flowers, fragrances...have a lot to do with my mother's interests. Beads, bangles, chains...she introduced me to the bright, funky world of jewellery.
What's best is that we both share almost similar taste in men! Most often we end up going 'wow' at the same person; just that my 'wow' has a more 'how-I wish-I-could-befriend-him' tone while amma's is strictly 'appreciating a thing of beauty' wow. I must add here that she turns to a typical over-concerned mom when her daughter grows too fond of the boy/man. She was far from approving of many of my choices!
There are many more things in my life--some serious, some funny, some strange--that turned out the way it did because somewhere my parents' choices/preferences have impacted me.

PS: And yes, she loved my tattoo!!!

My July Moments...

I am partial to some dates, some days and some months. Today I pick the month--July, August, November, December feature on my favourite months list. Why? I really can't explain. My birthday falls in JULY, I got married in NOVEMBER, my parents have their wedding anniversary in AUGUST..are these good enough reasons or do they make me a self-obsessed woman! AUGUST--I so like the sound of it, a feel or pride, a touch of sophistication, a royal ring to it. Now does that make me a pseudo-socialite who loves to flaunt, feature and bitch!
DECEMBER--Blame it on Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and the snow. Christmas, for me, is always what books have made it to be: snowing times, christmas trees dressed in bells and stars, Uncle Santa who comes with his goody bag, pretty cakes, delicious feast, carols and a lot of happiness and merry making. Confession: None of my Christmas memories are even remotely close to this fairy-tale white Christmas.
A lot of my favouritism, I think, can be blamed on my 'love for the rains'. July, August, November are all rainy days. Cloudy mornings, grey evenings that come alive with sparks of lightning and thuds of thunder. Not the best of things if you have a new born at home, who's out to win the 'Who pees the most' contest!?! Laundry is a horror during these times, shopping isn't exactly all-fun either, and the traffic barely moves...but everything else is oh-so-gorgeous. The plants look greener than ever, are topped with droplets of rainwater, the air smells fresher and happier, the roads look cleaner, the dogs, cats, birds all are at their laziest (the pigeons find shelter on our window sill, which my little one so loves, while the cats and dogs curl up in the car porch or under the sofas or some other cosy corner).

The rains have swept me away from the shores of my thoughts. This blog wasn’t meant to be about my picks from the 12. It has been a long break from blogging (excepting the one tiny make-my-presence-felt blog). This one was to be about the month of July, its happenings and what kept me too busy to blog. July--being the month that welcomed me into this world--definitely makes me Smile. Lately though, the smile has become a bit low-voltage coz it also meant that I was now entering the 30s-club. That year has passed and now am happily 31 and enjoying it.

Now when I try to recount the just-passed July, I am a little blank. I am certain there were a few exciting things.
Had a wedding (where people were more obsessed about my weight gain than the wedding itself)--Not Exciting.
Finally finished my driving classes--Exciting. But sold our car--Not Exciting.
Missed a family function--Not Exciting. Instead did a weekend Mumbai trip, a fun time with friends, lots of kids, cakes, booze and some airport drama--Very Very Exciting.
Birthday morning! Woke up to mom's birthday wish (love you, amma) followed by lovely lovely friends who called/messaged/Facebook-ed birthday wishes--Wonderfully Exciting. Partner forgot my birthday--Not Exciting. First birthday where I got no gifts or surprises--Awfully Non-Exciting (and am still crying over it).My loving dad took me out for dinner, the only special part of the day. Nothing too fancy but good food and a play area for the little one--Exciting End.

Cousins came over. Had a Tequila night--Very Exciting.
Dinner at neighbour's place. Awesome food, good drinks, delicious biriyani and some fun times--Enjoyably Exciting.


This is all I can recall for now. 31 days and according to my statistics more Exciting than Non-Exciting moments. Good!
Oh, No! How could I forget that special Saturday. TATTOO Saturday. Finally, after a wait for almost 10 years, I find the courage and opportunity to live my desire. Now I have a pretty black butterfly (with shades of red) sitting pretty on my left arm. I am kicked about it, my mom found it cool (though she wished it had more colours), dad smiled at it, partner acted like he didn't notice it, and my son loves it... he's just a little scared to touch it coz he thinks its gonna fly away like the many butterflies he's seen so far!
This has got to be the defining moment of July 2010. My Tattoo--my birthday gift to myself.
 

Too much of too many things

I am missing my blog. The times when something would go tring tring in my mind or there'd be something stupid nagging my mind or somebody pisses me off big time and leaves me fuming...., or just those moments when I find myself drawn towards my blog and before I know it, I am either penning down memories, or sharing fun moments, crying over a dear one or just letting out my steam. It's not that my life is calmer now and nothing is nagging my mind.
In fact there has been too much randomness, too much madness, too many temper tantrums, too many surprises (rude ones too) and a whole lot of S*#T. I'll be back once the madness settles down.

Miss you & Thank you time...

In the past couple of days I have opened the blog and stared at the 'New post' page many many times. Sometimes wondering if I should write, at times wondering what I should write, sometimes just happy that this marks by 100th post, sometimes just checking out the font/picture options here. This doesn't happen too often because I no longer blog as a compulsion. I remember the first couple of attempts at blogging when it was more a compulsion to make at least one entry a day, an effort at proving (to God knows whom) that I am a regular blogger. Well that was not to be and the excitement died down rather soon. This time, however, it was different. There was no forced effort. It just happened. Thoughts crept into my mind, frustrations were brewing in there, excitement was waiting to spill out, anger popped its head and at times laughter took charge. My mind and heart was busy cooking a cocktail of emotions and I just had to share it with someone. I love expressing my expressions.
Giving it a little deeper thought I realise, it's loneliness and silence that cemented the bonding with my blog. I can't remember a phase in my life when I've been surrounded by none else than myself. In the past one year I have been my biggest companion. I have had my biggest debates with myself, had the most bitter arguments with my mind, laughed loudest at myself, shared jokes with me, cried like a child with my heart, flirted with myself, shared my secret fantasies and attractions and so much. I am so full of ME.
Living in an apartment rarely allowed me to be myself. I was lucky to find some absolutely crazy, warm, fun-loving and lovable friends. We took community living to such heights.... Every home was just an extension of each other's houses. We'd walk in and walk out of bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens of any house at any time. Our partners often found their bedroom taken over by the lady-next-door while his wife was busy cooking snacks for the kids-next-door. It was the maddest and best-est days for me. And then one by one, the friends moved on. They bought their own homes--pretty, cosy and beautifully done--and moved in to their own space. Of course I was thrilled for them, love their homes, but I miss them all. There is this feeling of sudden loneliness. My days now begin and end the same way, every day. Partner goes to office, little one either goes to school or plays around for a while, eats, sleeps...and am left with myself following the same routine.
I miss the laughter, the chatter, the loud laughs, the coffee/lime juice that aunty sweetly bought us while we chatted away sharing gossip, jokes, dirty talking. My little one too misses his first friends and his favourite aunts who pampered him, played with him, gifted him lovely things and took care of him whenever I needed help. I miss the yummy dishes that my next-door-aunt brought in almost regularly knowing my love for anything non-vegetarian.
People can leave such a lasting impression on you. I still visit them all whenever I can, speak to them often, but it's not the same as seeing them, spending the day with them and sharing the moments and laughter with them. It's this loneliness and this unwelcome silence that's brought me closer to my blog. Thanks for being there when I need a patient ear, a warm hug, a punching bag, a shoulder to cry on. Thanks to you my blog for taking my emotional outbursts, rude comments, bad temper, crazy fantasies, heart breaks, sob stories, giggles, loud laughters...thanks for tolerating me and allowing me to speak my heart, mind and soul through you.

I miss the maddening crowd. I miss the girly giggles. I am glad I have my 'cuppacoffee' to keep me going.