It's me, or is it?

There is no right way or easy way to break the news of someone's death. I feel I have been hearing a little too many 'no more' news in the recent days....or is it that some of them have impacted me more than usual!

Lohithadas dies......and with it ends a class of films (rather stories) that were so human and so raw, they almost breathed life. Thaniyavarthanam is one of the most depressing movies I've seen. So much so that my aunt still refuses to watch films that even remotely deals with mental agony or distress. She hasn't watched even Manichitrathazhu. That's the kind of impact Thaniyavarthanam left on the minds of viewers. With it Malayalam got one of the most gifted story writers. From his mind flowed touching stories like Kireedam, Bharatham, Amaram..... He was a relief to the tired, bored viewer, his stories reminded us that simplicity still exists.

I spoke to him once, last month, for an article. It was such a joy to hear him....words that he used and softness with which he spoke was a rarity. Definitely not something I've heard when I've spoken to people with a celebrity-status. Well, he never considered himself a celebrity, and that's was endeared him to people.

It's always shocking and devastating when lives come to an end with no notice or warning. This was one such incident. I cried too. Why? I don't know. I was always consioered the insensitive one, but now am turning into a little too emotional being. Or did I always have this side to me? Maybe. I hated crying in front of others, I always projected myself as the strong one. Somewhere along I forgot to do things that I wanted to. I ignored the emotional side in me, turned a deaf ear to my heart's wants.

I am very much a today's girl... strong, independent, cool..who loves 'hanging out' with friends, enjoys a drink, roams malls to simply 'kill' time... But there is another me who loves companionship, who loves to be pampered, who enjoys movies and books and loves to simply sit back, enjoy the breeze and rain and warm up to someone I love. There is a me who cries at the siliest of things, who laughs at the stupidest of jokes, who likes to cook for fun, who wants to travel to places that ooze with rawness and freshness...a me who wants to live and celebrate life. And now there's something or someone whispering in my mind, telling me it's not too late. There is a me who wishes to hear stories and that me is deepply hurt at the abrupt end of a soulful story teller's life.

What's your status today?

A lot is being said about the status messages seen on networking sites, esp Facebook (FB). There was even a piece based on it in one of the recent Sunday Express supplements. Is it such a big deal really?

Some people like to share their angst, anger, love or whatever random feeling it is with others, some others just wanna express themselves, some do it for fun... whatever reason be it, it's just a harmless gesture. Or is it?

The death of Michael Jackson was the content of almost all FB status messages yesterday (and even today). Every one was getting creative with their take on MJ, his music and his life. Me too. Though am no HUGE MJ fan, I did feel bad that a part of my childhood memories had ended. MJ was part of my growing up days, his music was fodder for our ears during our school days, his life and his weird acts were part of our chats. And so it may have been for many....

A friend of mine was horribly disgusted with the fact that a friend of his had chosen to refer to MJ as "that paedophile" while commenting on his death. My friend thought it was absolutely inconsiderate and insensitive to have said so, at least, not just hours after his death. Maybe he was right. MJ or whoever it may be, may hold no special place in your heart and you may not really care about him, but we could try and be polite and respectful to the person at least on the day of his death. Don't mourn the loss, but at least don't celebrate it, either. Well...one could argue that we are all entitled to 'freedom of expression'. A right we mostly prefer to misuse than use for just purposes.

Coming back to status messages... I do update my status quite often. It's not even a status, it's sometimes a thought, or an opinion, or observation, or anger at something, or a feeling, or yeah the state of mind at that moment. People can chose to comment on it, ridicule it or simply ignore it. Why make a fuss about it?

What if A is excited about the weekend, or B is missing his loved one, or C wants a kickass holiday.... What do we care... or do we?

No retakes...

When you write if you make a mistake, you erase it and rewrite. It's not so simple in life, though. When you've made a wrong decision, a wrong move, it ain't easy to erase it. Most often, it stays with you for life. At best you can try to better the situation.

Sometimes, some poeple change...and how. You are amazed at how drastically their character has changed and you begin to wonder if he/she's the same person you knew. Days when you could freely share your dreams, your likes, your wants will be a forgotten time. Today...is a different story. Thoughts and dreams run like parallel tracks...each in its own route. It hurts, it's depressing but hard to alter.

Where do you run for solace, where do you find a hand to hold, where do you look for a shoulder to lean? Life....you're one bloody game!

Vanishing memories

Why are memories so difficult to erase, ignore or forget? Some things and some people who you wish would just disappear from your mind and thoughts keep coming back a little too often. Why oh Why!!!

Every day i tell myself: "No, I ain't gonna brood over a love lost or feel bad about a dear friend's indifference or crib about things bygone". And every day I find my mind more and more involved in these very same activities. I was never one known for will power and determination (esp in matters of heart and weight), so my weak mind once again falls prey to memories.

The weight matter, of course, is growing and growing. Just when I decided to start walking, the rains came...oh i've said this before! Yeah so where was I: my mind and its inability to forget.

Now am already upset over the departure of a dear friend or my twin or watever I can call him. Another week and off he goes....to another country in another continent and then he too will become part of my every thoughts.

Bad Day Blues

I woke up the other day and within minutes i said to myself "I've woken up to a bad day". Well...how does one know the day's gonna be a dampener..what classifies as a 'bad day'. I just felt so and guess the feeling just grows on you. Coz the minute by maid walked in, she looked at me and asked "Aren't you feeling well? You look unwell." Ah. see I told you it was a bad day. Then i was off for some emergency grocery shopping, bumped into my neighbour at the lift and she soon asked: "Hey what happened babe. You look so dull!". There you are.... it is indeed a bad day and my feeling's just growing stronger.

And so it was. Everything went wrong. Had an unannounced guest, my son was cranky, husband was not in his best of moods and there was me who was just waiting to be bugged. Whew!!!

Finally evening came and there as some excitement coz I was going for the Colonial Cousins programme. I was quite sure tats gonna be a disappointment too. No ways!!! It was an absolute rocker. Those guys-- Hariharan and Leslie-- their energy levels are just awesome, envious i shud say.

Two hours of fun, music and excitement was a relief. Back home the 'bad day blues' were back. Off i went to bed hoping the sun would rise to a brighter day the next morning.

But I still wonder what makes the 'bad day'. Well...good day to all!!!