April 13, 2010

A peep into the Ps of life

Possessiveness is not something I enjoy (doing or being a victim of). Be it with friends, partners, family...the 'oh you don't have time for me'/ 'you visited her but couldn't give me a call'/ 'you went out with them and didn't call me' types of conversations are an absolute No-No. Come to me with such woes and cribs and chances are that you'll see a red-faced me at my nastiest worst...and I'll shoo you away in the meanest possible way.
P for Passion, P for Possessiveness. Some people do it both...try to possess you with a passion that soon turns into P for Pain. I've had my moments. Don't know if its got to do with the city I call home. Kochi/Cochin is where I have lived almost all my life (and still do...). Kerala was never known to be the yo-flavoured modern city. In my school times, which I realise is almost two decades ago, there were unsaid rules. Travelling on bikes with guys, eating out with boys, movies with boys or for that matter anything where girls and boys came together wasn't viewed with much pleasure. People, my dear ones included, too were stuck-up on this. Fortunately for me, my parents weren't too caught up in these moral policing groups. But my mom being who she is (sweet, sensitive and quite submissive) did fear society (or more specifically some people in society). I remember her telling me: "If you're going to be dropped by any of your male friends, then make sure you get off at the start of the road and not here in front of the house". I found it quite strange coz I thought hopping off a few blocks away from home would have people talking...but mom didn't care about them. She only cared about a certain neighbour, who was also a very good friend of hers. As long as he daughter (Me) never got into the black book of neighbour aunty (NA), my mom was relieved. For NA could be quite nasty with her remarks and amma's not the kind who could speak up for her daughter and shut their mouths. Safer option was to not let NA get started.
But amma did not have it too easy...especially with a crazy daughter like me. NA did get her chances. Once for my b'day a good friend (he's one crazy guy. A charmer with girls...and is still working his charms, but only one at a time now. He's a darling and we've lasted this long...) came over with my gift and card. We weren't home and he decided to leave it with Madam NA. Being an admirer of all things good, he very sweetly described me as Miss Thunder Thighs. The shock waves it sent through NA. The moment we got back, she summoned my mom, showed her the card and sat her down to a good hour-long lecture on how her daughter should be kept away from such company. Such boys are not to be trusted...etc..etc.... I am amazed my mom garnered the strength to sit through it all without breaking into tears. NA concludes by saying: "She's like daughter to me and that's why I show so much concern".  Oh no.. not again. I am happy with just one Mother.
Relationships, the romantic ones, haven't been easier either. I am known to have a bad taste in men. At least that's what most of my male friends tell me. I refuse to agree. Every relationship was beautiful (until it ended)...and my man was like Prince Charming (until the charm faded away). I regret none and I am happy I went through them. The 'P' factor popped up in many, though. I, for one, had more boy friends than girls. I had my girly gang, who I still swear by. But it's the guys I found easy to get along. But I guess they liked a friend like me, but not a partner like me. The friend could be carefree, spirited, independent, loud, crazy, humorous, enjoy the dirty talking, etc but the partner/wife had to be sweet, pretty, shy, and of course put his likes above hers.
I've gone through my shares of 'What were you talking to him so late into the night?'/ 'Why did he have to drop you?'/ 'Why do you want to go for dinner with him, why not lunch?'. And even more ridiculously stupid questions. The answer to almost all of these were fights, arguments, flaring tempers, nights of crying. A day later all would be solved with a sorry, a few tears and a few mushy 'You know I love you a lot. Just that sometimes I get very possessive' lines. All is well...until the next fight.
Is it only a guy thing? Or are girls equally possessive too? I am a hopelessly sensitive girl, who cries watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai even today. It's quite a contrast to the rest of me, coz I like to be this independent girl who makes her own decisions, does her own thing, lives by her own rules. The bending of rules, if any, happens out of my own will for people who I hold close and dear. Possessiveness hasn't found space in my mind yet. It may slowly be creeping now when it comes to my son. At times when my mother-in-law refers to herself as 'amma' while talking to my son and urges him to call her so, it does get to me. I wouldn't want to share that responsibility or title with anyone. For everything else...so far am bindaas!

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